Friday, 16 July 2004

"Throw Momma from the train" (reprise)

My entry, Throw Momma from the train? inspired my real momma , Marguerite Helen (who can't drive, and rides the trains a lot, including MBTA rapid treansit and commuter trains and Amtrak), to write a song. "It just kept coming into my head as I went to bed last night."

(To the tune of Charlie on the MTA )

Momma packed her bag
With the wheels right on it
And she pulled it into the station.
Then she bought her ticket,
She was all excited,
She was taking a trip on the train.

(Chorus -- sometimes with variations:)

But she knew one thing:
She would never consent,
She could not consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it;
I do not consent to a search.

When the train came in
Momma climbed right on it,
She settled herself in a seat.
She adjusted the backrest,
Put her feet on the footrest,
Her comfort was complete.

And she knew one thing:
She would never consent,
She could not consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it;
"I do not consent to a search."

Then she opened her bag
Found a brand new book,
Found a bottle of juice as well.
It was "real, pure juice"
So she sipped it proudly,
Oh, didn't she feel swell.

But she knew one thing:
She would never consent,
She could not consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it;
"I do not consent to a search."

She took out her famous
Peanut butter sandwich,
She began to bite and munch.
When the conductor came along
With a man in a trenchcoat,
And they disturbed her lunch.

She knew she'd never consent,
No, she'd never consent,
She would not consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

The conductor took her ticket,
Her round-trip ticket,
But he didn't give her the stub.
'Cause the trenchcoat man
Barged in between them;
He began to brandish a club.

She knew she'd not consent,
No, she'd never consent,
She would not consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

He said, " You're a Pakistani ,
You just might be a terrorist,
We must check your bag
And your purse".
She said, "No, you won't,
Don't you see my button?
I do not consent to a search."

Oh, I will not consent,
I would never consent,
I do not consent to a search.
I've a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

He said, "Put that juice
Right into this bucket;
Put the bottle in the recycle box.
Your sandwich goes right here,
It might have anthrax in it.
We'll seal it up with some locks."

She said, "I won't consent,
I would never consent,
I do not consent to a search.
I've a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

"Now we need to search
All the bags and baggage,
To prevent a terrorist act."
She said, "Son, you're violating
Rights I have and I'll
Never let you do that."

No, I will not consent,
I will never consent,
I do not consent to a search.
I've a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

"Then we'll take you off
To a special car
To protect the rest of the train.
If we lock you up,
Throw away the key,
We'll be safe from any pain."

But she did not consent,
No, she'd never consent,
She would not consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

They had taken her book,
So she took out her knitting.
Used her suitcase
For a knitting perch.
As she got madder
She just got more stubborn,
She would not consent to a search.

For she would not consent,
She would never consent,
She could not consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

Momma armed herself.
Took out bits of bone
That were laced with yummy drugs.
When a dog came to sniff
She fed him the goodies
'Twas a fair way to treat thugs.

When you will not consent,
When you cannot consent,
When you'll never consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

Then she checked her location.
She was nearing her station,
Her appointments she must keep.
She looked around the car,
Saw a safety scanner,
And her heart began to leap.

"Cause some do consent,
Yes, they will consent,
Think they must consent to a search.
They don't wear buttons
With it written right on them,
"I do not consent to a search."

When the trenchcoat came in
To make sure she was peaceful,
She scanned him front and back.
Said, "I have found
Contraband upon you.
Integrity you lack."

Why did you consent?
You should not consent,
No, never consent to a search.
Why not wear a button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search"?

"Out the window you go
For you can't be trusted
Not to do a terrorist thing."
Then she tossed him out.
All the passengers cheered.
The conductor began to sing.

She told them, "Do not consent,
No, never consent,
You should not consent to a search.
Wear these big red buttons
With it written right on them
"I do not consent to a search."

When they got to her stop
She climbed right off
And she pulled her suitcase away.
She had not been searched,
She would never be searched,
Not today or any day.

For she would not consent,
She did not never consent,
She would never consent to a search.
She wore a big, red button
With it written right on it:
"I do not consent to a search."

(Notice to humor-impaired TSA, DHS, and MBTA employees: This is a joke. This is only a joke. Neither I nor my mother actually advocate throwing anyone off a moving train. Always keep all portions of your anatomy entirely inside the doors and windows at all times while the train is in motion.)

Link | Posted by Edward on Friday, 16 July 2004, 12:05 (12:05 PM) | TrackBack (0)
Comments

Yeah,Bravo!

Posted by: Rita, 16 July 2004, 21:37 ( 9:37 PM)
Post a comment









Save personal info as cookie?